Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Who Knows Only Time

Ahh time how is it that so much has escaped me
i never really feel motivated to do what i aught to
now that i finally have some time to myself i realize DAMMIT!
i have wasted so much time, i dont like that i ended up here
but here is as good as any place to start
i just get so scared... thats always been my problem
stupid nerves man

I made several different prints for my final portfolio that say Its About Time.
and i feel like maybe now it is about time to get going

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Pushing Daisies

why do you always ruin my high, it sucks that we cant talk about whats really going on
i need someone to talk to but you just dont get it
i dont think anyone does at this point,not even me
i am a puzzle with the pieces missing

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

This Side Of The Blue

I finally finished all of my printing, what relief
tomorrow after work i have to put my portfolio together, i hope there is studio space
ill post pictures when i get a chance, sunday perhaps?

2 days of school
and 15 more until i go home for the holidays
id like another tattoo
sun & moon or pheonix wings
my dad is coming down to have supper with me , 
even though ill see him again in 2 weeks
sometimes its nice knowing someone is worried about you
and wants to feed you delicious food to make you well again

.Most days my heart aches
Most days its all i can do to get out of bed
Most days all i want is for love to replace my fear
Most days all i really need is to be 

Monday, November 29, 2010

I Sea

Give It A Listen

I have a week to finish all of my work, and then school is over a few days later. its exciting because i cant wait to go home but ive still got a whole month
i have little to no motivation left for this semester and there is 6 days
all i want to do is lie in bed
this sadness is so draining
its warm and safe and my blankets will always snuggle me tight
and hold me through the night

 The sunlight comes into my room like a kaleidoscope of colour its golden rays filtering through and lighting up my bottles,dyed fabric, and all the silly things i keep but never throw away

Im just learning at 21 its okay to ask for help

and they are called family for a reason

thank you for letting me lean on you 
in my fragile state
while i try to mend whats been torn

 Isnt this beautiful
is still the hardest pill to swallow
ks i still miss you
especially today
you would enjoy this kaleidoscopic light
im certain of it

Monday, November 1, 2010

We Can Only Go Up From Here

Its been awhile since ive written anything  and i figure even though everyday is a new start the begining of november just seems to have a nice ring to it, and now that midterms are over i feel like i can start fresh, or something.
So here it goes.
I finally finished The Artists Way, it somehow took me several months to complete the week 12 assignments and they are all based around worries and fears of going back into the world and making art. Am i good enough should i even be in school for this or wait a few years and then come back, am i committed enough, and frick is this even something i can make money at one day. I mean its all legit stuff. I just had my printmaking midterm on thursday and my profs were pleased with my work but still wanted me to push everything much further, and i worry that i dont know what further means or really how to push myself forward enough. I want to express emotion in my work yet im too timid when it comes to my art, affraid of scratching more then the surface.Maybe im just scared of what i might discover if i go deep. yikes a bee! what a dilemma

  When Kate left i never properly mourned for her, i just changed my surroundings completely i went to europe and then switched schools in the fall and just sort of kept going without looking back.

But her passing has affected every relationship ive had in the past 5 years. I havent been able to get and stay close with anyone not even my family, everyone is at a comfortable distance. Ive decided to start seeing an art therapist because well lets face it thats not healthy. And i cant move forward until i mend whats behind me.
And then maybe sadness will no longer follow me home

Monday, October 11, 2010

Fly On

Ahh nothing hits the spot quite like turkey dinner with good company.
this week has been so crazy and busy i cant waiit for midterms to be over so that i can finally feel like i have some free time. Its nice that i have an extra day off becuase of thanksgiving, hopefully i can catch up and maybe even get ahead.Today is a good day  not alot of things can distract me cause all of downtown is closed so maybe ill do my drawing and 2 presentations on artists for print class. and maybe some litho if im feeling keen.but i dont really know what im doing in that class huh could be interesting...
well im off to draw some poppies

Saturday, October 9, 2010

Sometimes rain clouds last all year

Im told that this is normal to feel like this at this age.
so when exactly  is it supposed to stop
that the feelings come in waves and you just have to learn to stand up strong enough 
so they wont knock you down.
But they always do.

what if im not strong enough to move forward, or ask what it is i need from people
we all just keep keeping on, dont we

 and maybe the sun will come out again