Monday, November 29, 2010

I Sea

Give It A Listen

 
I have a week to finish all of my work, and then school is over a few days later. its exciting because i cant wait to go home but ive still got a whole month
i have little to no motivation left for this semester and there is 6 days
all i want to do is lie in bed
this sadness is so draining
its warm and safe and my blankets will always snuggle me tight
and hold me through the night




 The sunlight comes into my room like a kaleidoscope of colour its golden rays filtering through and lighting up my bottles,dyed fabric, and all the silly things i keep but never throw away





Im just learning at 21 its okay to ask for help

and they are called family for a reason

thank you for letting me lean on you 
in my fragile state
while i try to mend whats been torn



 Isnt this beautiful
Acceptance 
is still the hardest pill to swallow
ks i still miss you
especially today
you would enjoy this kaleidoscopic light
im certain of it
<3

Monday, November 1, 2010

We Can Only Go Up From Here


Its been awhile since ive written anything  and i figure even though everyday is a new start the begining of november just seems to have a nice ring to it, and now that midterms are over i feel like i can start fresh, or something.
So here it goes.
 
I finally finished The Artists Way, it somehow took me several months to complete the week 12 assignments and they are all based around worries and fears of going back into the world and making art. Am i good enough should i even be in school for this or wait a few years and then come back, am i committed enough, and frick is this even something i can make money at one day. I mean its all legit stuff. I just had my printmaking midterm on thursday and my profs were pleased with my work but still wanted me to push everything much further, and i worry that i dont know what further means or really how to push myself forward enough. I want to express emotion in my work yet im too timid when it comes to my art, affraid of scratching more then the surface.Maybe im just scared of what i might discover if i go deep. yikes a bee! what a dilemma

  When Kate left i never properly mourned for her, i just changed my surroundings completely i went to europe and then switched schools in the fall and just sort of kept going without looking back.

But her passing has affected every relationship ive had in the past 5 years. I havent been able to get and stay close with anyone not even my family, everyone is at a comfortable distance. Ive decided to start seeing an art therapist because well lets face it thats not healthy. And i cant move forward until i mend whats behind me.
And then maybe sadness will no longer follow me home