Garage sale saturday i need to pay my hearts outstanding bills
-the weakerthans
I didntt get much sleep last night and i guess im kind of anxious to go back home, i always am. I wonder what will be different about me now, and what will have changed with my family,my friends. Or will we be exacty the same, will i still be so nervous, unable to let my guard down?
Lately ive been having a hard time getting and staying happy. There are things that i want in my life but they just dont seem to be happening or working out. and i guess i just focus on that, the negative, the poor me,the im not enough, will it ever be? Its hard to unstick old habits.
I picked up a book from the side of the road and brought it home because of the way it smells... like an old mans library, and by the marks on the first few pages its traveled through several hands before finally coming home with me.Its been well loved.
Ive started having these mini panic attacks that last about 5-10 minutes and it just kind of feels like my heart might beat right out of my chest, and i see spots,which worries me even more cause i think ill pass out,but i never do. these last couple months ive begun to get panicky over the littlest things, caffeine, alcohol, head rushes, ive always been nervous but never like this, maybe i should see a doctor when im home.
today all i wanted to do was curl up in kates lap and cry for a spell,while she told me everything was gonna be alright that its okay to feel this way , and things are gonna get better, its been over 5 years and her presence is still just as strong, and i need her just as much,if not more.
Dexter is my new favorite tv show ahhh soo good i highly recommend it to anyone, there is some gore but dex is a good guy, well i best head off to bed
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