Roots Travel To The Sea

Ive finally made it back to Calgary for a quick visit and then im back to my east coast ocean home. Its been really nice being back so far, getting fed real meals, not having to cook and hanging out with my mama. Its an odd feeling being back, it doesnt feel like home anymore, all these new sky scrapers emerging, new sub divisions being built over night, no water. This place reminds me of my old life,the places i used to go adventuring, but ultimately i had to find my own way, pick up and leave start fresh somewhere new see what life has to offer me
I hope i can find what i came here for.

Its good to have seen my brother i was worried he wouldnt be okay after his fall but his life is starting to pick up again and he has a new demo. Its inspiring seeing him pursue his passion as much as he does.
I need to try harder this fall,cause it wasnt working right last year and shit has to change if im gonna stay happy for more then a few months.This is gonna be my lucky year 21. <3

Fly Little Broken Wing

Garage sale saturday i need to pay my hearts outstanding bills

-the weakerthans

I didntt get much sleep last night and i guess im kind of anxious to go back home, i always am. I wonder what will be different about me now, and what will  have changed with my family,my friends. Or will we be exacty the same, will i still be so nervous, unable to let my guard down?

Lately ive been having a hard time getting and staying happy. There are things that i want in my life but they just dont seem to be happening or working out. and i guess i just focus on that, the negative, the poor me,the im not enough, will it ever be? Its hard to unstick old habits.

I picked up a book from the side of the road and brought it home because of the way it smells... like an old mans library, and by the marks on the first few pages its traveled through several hands before finally coming home with me.Its been well loved.

Ive started having these mini panic attacks that last about 5-10 minutes and it just kind of feels like my heart might beat right out of my chest, and i see spots,which worries me even more cause i think ill pass out,but i never do.  these last couple months ive begun to get panicky over the littlest things, caffeine, alcohol, head rushes, ive always been nervous but never like this, maybe i should see a doctor when im home.

today all i wanted to do was curl up in kates lap and cry for a spell,while she told me everything was gonna be alright that its okay to feel this way , and things are gonna get better, its been over 5 years and her presence is still just as strong, and i need her just as much,if not more.

Dexter is my new favorite tv show ahhh soo good  i  highly recommend it to anyone, there is some gore but  dex is a good guy, well i  best head off to bed

Lay like a broccoli and eat my pumpkin cake

Today was one of those too exhausted to function properly kind of days, and when im tired everything seems to get thrown out of proportion. Today i wondered "what am i doing with my life?" and honestly i dont really know and that kid of freaks me out cause it seems like so many of my friends know what they want and are going for it and thats great but im still unsure; im just going to go with it for a while and try and be as productive with my time as i can but without putting any pressure on myself to come up with any great bodies of work or even anything to show for my summer.

I just finished reading catcher in the rye, hardest book to get through...ever but then the last 20 pages it finally all came together and now i absolutely love it. it really hit home and i guess its always neat to read a book from a male perspective, not always that of a womans.

Id really like to sew on a few patches to my jean jacket before i go home and hopefully i can make some dreadlocks with some of my girls this weekend, maybe have them for when i go home at the end of the month haha i guess we shall see anyways im frickin exhausted so im outty