All fires have to burn alive

Its 6 am and im wide awake. Is it because i can sleep in that my body suddenly feels like it hasnt enough time. I think its slightly unreasonable but im not the one in control anymore. Ive finally started to hang pictures up in my room and make my space feel more homey, and personal. 

I finished school as of thursday evening and now i have all of this time to myself.

 I can finally read all those books like catcher in the rye, and maybe learn how to cook cause thats always important.

But ultimately im just going to have time to work through some things that have  begun to come up again, im not really sure how to work thru them,or fix the things that have gone a rye but giving myself  time to grieve, forgive, and empower myself is a good place to start.

I often think about you, sometimes the illusion between reality and the dream world collide and im happy, happy being there with you until I open my eyes, and the illusion is gone. Then reality sets in and the other side of the bed is still empty and there are raindrops on my window pane.

If we are supposed to learn to be okay on our own does that mean we are always going to have lonesome hearts? and if so why?

so why couldnt relationships come easier to me,
why must it be a daily struggle?
and not just in the romantic sense but with everyone

I want something to be inspired about
I need something to inspire me to move forward and to be all I can be.